alone

sometimes I feel more fulfilled being alone than being with everyone.
It's not because I'm an introvert but I feel more true to myself when I'm alone than being with them. Whenever I'm with my blockmates I feel like I'm pretending to be someone that I'm not just to be liked by them. It's because my attitude was too different from them. I'm afraid that I would say something they don't like whenever I'm having a conversations with them.
I love making friends. I'm happy and witty person. But I don't want to be oblige to make friends even though i know i should because they're gonna be with me for the rest of my college life.
I have nothing against with them i't just that i couldn't ride on with their trips. They're not doing anything against me also since the first day of class. Basically, this is just my opinion.
I'm not also closing myself to them. This was just the first sem and i know there will come a time for me to finally enjoy myself with them. And I really want it to happen. Just have to find ways for it. Someday, I'll be more transparent even with myself already.

enough of loving

exxxxxxxaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmsssssssssss..
I'm really exerting superduper extra effort to study well on my subjects. But why is it I'm having a hard time to remember all i've studied when the test paper is right in front of me already..arrggh..
History! i've studied it all night! the worst is the proctor thought that I was cheating..huhu.. i don't have much answers either when I passed my paper. And I swear I don't cheat. hhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaayyyyy.. i'm so depressed..

still in pain..

it was really wrong to wait for someone to fall in love with you. Especially when the one you're waiting for isn't aware that you're waiting..*sigh*

friendship?love?

"friendship and love"
It's quite hard to separate those two.
It is even harder if you have to choose one among them. The more you try to stay 'laid-back' on the situation, the more it backfires you with so much stinging.. too much pain to the point where your effing heart becomes numb anf you don't know what to feel anymore..
The worst part?
He doesn't even have a clue.. you'r hurting so much but you kinda like it . Your system just can't master the guts to leave him. YOU JUST CAN"T.


I wish i didn't fall for a friend. Because this feeling would never end. There is so much pain in my heart whenever I see him because I know that is all we ever could be.

audition freaks

I auditioned at AB Chorale. Though I've been through a lot of auditions already, I still can't avoid having jitters. I was really nervous yesterday while I was singing. I've been performing on stage since I was a grader but I still don't have to be assured that I was going to make it. I need prayers. I don't understand why I'm still having that audition hangovers after all those years. I wish I could do it.

mission accomplished!

I've done it! I really think how to do that homework and it really paid my effort! I've got the perfect score! hahaha! And I'm really proud of myself because I don't seek any help of my blockmates. I've done it myself and what have I got?! An achievement. It was really nice to accomplish something you don't expect you'll do. Just like what the famous line states "expect the unexpected". I appreciate it better when I least expect it. And one more thing I have learned I've already fought against minority!

hustle

How could you do an assignment if there is no further complete instructions? You have to do wild guessing to accomplish it.. *sigh* I can't find a way to finish it. Our teacher stated only that we have to do a graphical representation of literary genres. That's it. No more explanation. Some of my classmates tried to ask, but still we don't understand what to do. Yes.. it's a simple instruction but it was difficult to do because we don't have any clear idea about what does she want us to do.

extreme adjustment

I never think college life would that be so different from highschool life. I thought I can easily adjust but it was really a big mistake! I can still feel the hangover of being a highschool student. I can still remember how our teachers in highschool spoonfed us with our lessons, ordering us to copy lectures, projects and so on.. Now I realized that I really have to adjust well in order to cope up with my new world: the more serious one, and the more crucial one. I have to think more seriously now for my very own future. I should lessen my recreational activities now. All I have learned is I'm now taking up the consequences in order to reach my goals.