sometimes I feel more fulfilled being alone than being with everyone.
It's not because I'm an introvert but I feel more true to myself when I'm alone than being with them. Whenever I'm with my blockmates I feel like I'm pretending to be someone that I'm not just to be liked by them. It's because my attitude was too different from them. I'm afraid that I would say something they don't like whenever I'm having a conversations with them.
I love making friends. I'm happy and witty person. But I don't want to be oblige to make friends even though i know i should because they're gonna be with me for the rest of my college life.
I have nothing against with them i't just that i couldn't ride on with their trips. They're not doing anything against me also since the first day of class. Basically, this is just my opinion.
I'm not also closing myself to them. This was just the first sem and i know there will come a time for me to finally enjoy myself with them. And I really want it to happen. Just have to find ways for it. Someday, I'll be more transparent even with myself already.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Sunday, October 7, 2007
enough of loving
exxxxxxxaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmsssssssssss..
I'm really exerting superduper extra effort to study well on my subjects. But why is it I'm having a hard time to remember all i've studied when the test paper is right in front of me already..arrggh..
History! i've studied it all night! the worst is the proctor thought that I was cheating..huhu.. i don't have much answers either when I passed my paper. And I swear I don't cheat. hhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaayyyyy.. i'm so depressed..
I'm really exerting superduper extra effort to study well on my subjects. But why is it I'm having a hard time to remember all i've studied when the test paper is right in front of me already..arrggh..
History! i've studied it all night! the worst is the proctor thought that I was cheating..huhu.. i don't have much answers either when I passed my paper. And I swear I don't cheat. hhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaayyyyy.. i'm so depressed..
still in pain..
it was really wrong to wait for someone to fall in love with you. Especially when the one you're waiting for isn't aware that you're waiting..*sigh*
friendship?love?
"friendship and love"
It's quite hard to separate those two.
It is even harder if you have to choose one among them. The more you try to stay 'laid-back' on the situation, the more it backfires you with so much stinging.. too much pain to the point where your effing heart becomes numb anf you don't know what to feel anymore..
The worst part?
He doesn't even have a clue.. you'r hurting so much but you kinda like it . Your system just can't master the guts to leave him. YOU JUST CAN"T.
I wish i didn't fall for a friend. Because this feeling would never end. There is so much pain in my heart whenever I see him because I know that is all we ever could be.
It's quite hard to separate those two.
It is even harder if you have to choose one among them. The more you try to stay 'laid-back' on the situation, the more it backfires you with so much stinging.. too much pain to the point where your effing heart becomes numb anf you don't know what to feel anymore..
The worst part?
He doesn't even have a clue.. you'r hurting so much but you kinda like it . Your system just can't master the guts to leave him. YOU JUST CAN"T.
I wish i didn't fall for a friend. Because this feeling would never end. There is so much pain in my heart whenever I see him because I know that is all we ever could be.
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